Overwhelmed? Facing one challenge after the next? Just plain wanting to pull the covers over your head and stay in bed? You’re not alone. Especially these days.

While I’m not opposed to taking some of that “pull the covers over my head” time – I also see the need for some longer term strategies. Maybe building resilience into my routine that serves beyond a day of guilt-free isolation from the world is in order.

I recently had a discussion with Debbie Worman and Ricky Enger from Hadley Institute for the Blind and Visually Impaired “Facing Your Challenges – How to Gain Strength Through Adversity”  about this very conundrum. Surrendering to your state of overwhelm, while at the same time building a toolkit of resilience. Seem impossible? I disagree. Read on or take a listen to the podcast to see how.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST HERE. 

Now What?

The “now what” scenario…we’ve all been there. I’ve been there more times than I can count actually. But what can you do when the sky is falling and it’s for real?

 

Surrender to Your Overwhelm

Let’s face it. What other choice is there? And while some might say that surrendering to your overwhelm is weakness, I would argue just the opposite. It could be your biggest strength. Acknowledging your emotions and truly feeling them will give you the momentum you need to get over that mountain and start moving toward freedom.

Giving yourself permission to feel whatever negative emotions are occurring is a mindful action that may save time later. Ignoring less than desirable emotions almost always results in a resurgence bigger than the original and at the least optimal time.

Acknowledging an emotion gives it room to move on rather than fester. Do this by…simply breathing through the feeling, writing it down or having a conversation about it. A mindfulness practice is good way to nurture this process and make it easier for you in the future when those icky feelings crop up.

(For more on building a mindfulness practice check out these blogs So Simple, Runaway Brain, Be in the Moment & Insight Timer.)

 

Take A Self-Compassion Break

As you step into the feeling of overwhelm, you might find yourself using the old habit of self-criticism as a way to toughen up. Which by the way will get you no where. Instead consider some self-compassion. And if you aren’t familiar with self-compassion, the easiest way to sum it up is to “treat yourself (in speech and action) as you would a good friend or a cherished family member who needs kindness and encouragement”. The exact opposite of self-criticism.

According to experts Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer a Self-Compassion Break is an easy way to do this. I can hear you already…a self-compassion break? Really? And yes really.

Giving ourselves a little bit of what we need when the world isn’t sounds kinda clever doesn’t it? Experience tells me that we can’t rely on others to fulfill all our needs. And I personally like the sense of independence that self-compassion can provide.

Here are the easy steps to a Self-Compassion Break…

1. Ground your physical body by sitting upright or standing nice and tall.
2. Place your hand on your heart in a loving manner.
3. Close your eyes if it feels natural to do so.
4. And say to yourself “May I be ___________.      (Fill in the blank with your personal need. But a few of my go-to words/phrases are  may I be loved, strong, happy, free from anxiety, free from fear, healthy.)

 

Visualize Past Successes

Why not step into your personal success time machine? I’m talking about visiting the past to bring on a brighter future.

You’ve had tough times before and made through to the other side. So why not leverage this success?

Take a deep breath and visualize a past challenge. Ask yourself a few questions.

• How did you feel initially?
• What action steps did you take?
• How did it feel after you weathered the storm?
• Can you replicate any of your past actions to assist in your current challenge?
• Who was helpful to you on the journey?

This past success is an excellent reminder that you have the strength and fortitude to make it through this challenge. In fact give yourself a pat on the back for the good work you did before. And you know you can do it again.

 

Connect With Others

Having time to be alone with our fear, sadness and anxiety is absolutely necessary. But isolating too long might start to feel like quicksand that just keeps sucking you back in. This is the signal to connect with others.

We’re human. It’s our nature to connect and belong. Sure everyone is different with their introversion and extroversion preferences, but in the end we still need to connect. Sometimes the fear of being judged or not feeling as if others will understand prevents us from reaching out. The self-critic in action once again.

However…you might want to flip the script here. The gift of sharing your story and situation with others appropriately can be quite empowering for both people. Consider the validation that happens when someone is willing to share a struggle that is similar to yours. It provides the space not only to witness and listen (very empowering), but also to trade resilience tips and tools.

So the next time you want to shut out and down remember that you might be doing a favor for more than yourself by reaching out to others who just might be feeling the same.

 

A New Take On Gratitude

I’ve always been a big fan of gratitude as a resilience tool and would actually name it as my mindfulness practice go-to. But I recently delved into the work of Dr. Martin Seligman (better known as the father of positive psychology) through the University of Pennsylvania online and found this gem of a daily exercise.

3 Things That Went Well Daily Exercise

• At the end of each day in a sharing conversation with someone or in a journal capture 3 things that went well and why.
• They can be large or small in importance.
• The key is asking yourself what was good about it and why did it happen?

I find that these questions give details that motivate and help me to feel empowered – reinforcing that I CAN influence how my day goes and the situations I come across. Generally I also find that somehow I’ve influenced the things that went well and can replicate this behavior in the future.

For more information on self-compassion, resilience and mindfulness you might want to dig a little deeper into these websites.

Free Meditations guided by Chris Germer

Self-Compassion Research, Training and Exercises from Dr. Kristin Neff

Positive Psychology and Building Resilience Initiatives at The University of Pennsylvania with Dr. Martin Seligman

Authentic Happiness Questionnaires and Tools for Building Well-Being and Resilience 

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