So what do you know about being resilient? And what the heck does being resilient really mean anyway? The short answer is “the ability to get back up after adversity”.  And as far as adversity…it’s as common as everyday disappointing news. Or as significant as the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, personal illness or a setback in your career. But regardless of your challenge, knowing how to get back up and persevere gracefully is what it’s all about.

With that said, it would seem that we all need to build our personal resiliency. “How do I fit that into my busy life you might ask?”  Well, as usual, I’ve got a short list of ways to help you step out of your victim and into the strong and adaptive player that you truly are.

Being Resilient – The Delicate Balance

Another way to think about resilience is “being able to bounce back” from difficult experiences. From my perspective, bouncing back needs to take place in both the heart and the mind. And yes, we need to get our mind in the right place in order to move forward… but the heart has a role as well. By aligning the heart in the process, we ensure that we’ve adapted in every aspect. After all, we don’t need roque emotional fragments showing up and biting us later when we don’t expect it.

You Don’t Want To Be Too Tough

You’ve probably seen people who seem “tough”. You know, those individuals who are seemingly able to weather anything and everything. But is “tough” what you really want to be? If tough means that you are forging ahead by pushing your feelings aside, then my answer would be an adamant “NO”. The further you move away from your heart, the further you move from your personal truth, which is your powerhouse of strength.

 

But true freedom from a feeling only comes when you are willing to acknowledge it AND THEN release it.

 

This Heart Thing – The Powerhouse

Aligning the heart in the resilience process basically means that we are tapping into the emotion and insights of the moment. Each time we experience adversity we have a choice. A choice to stay rigid, stuff our feelings, avoid change… or, see the learning that can enrich us, tap into our sacred resource of Spirit and find the courage to embrace the experience for all that it is.

The fact of the matter is, the situation and feelings aren’t going away. So we may as well face them. This doesn’t mean that we collapse into a space of victimhood or disconnect from ourselves by keeping a stiff upper lip. Instead, step into the space, into the moment and acknowledge the bad, the disappointment, the fear.

“Wait a minute, that feels terrible!” you might be thinking. And yes, for that moment it might feel terrible. But true freedom from a feeling only comes when you are willing to acknowledge it AND THEN release it. 

Okay, But What Can I Do?

Alright, so you understand resiliency a little bit more. But you just want to get down to it.

So what can you actually do?

Here’s a list of go-t0 techniques to help you be more resilient, keep moving forward and ensure that you don’t get stuck in your own junk.

1 ~ Stop Suffering Over Your Suffering

Ask yourself  “Am I actually suffering or am I just remembering and replaying my suffering?”  This is a good one that I use A LOT. Remind yourself that there is absolutely no point in suffering over your own suffering. Meaning…are you continuing to be stuck in a moment that has passed and is no longer serving a purpose? If yes is your answer, then you are suffering over the memory of your own suffering. Let it go!

2 ~ Smile, Laugh, Repeat

Even when things are serious laughter can be a dear friend. Don’t be afraid to seek it out on youtube, in books or by watching your favorite comedy. Keeping a sense of humor just might save you from yourself. And think about it…aren’t some of the most resilient people you know able to laugh at themselves? Changing your vibe into a space of laughter versus sitting in despair is one of the most productive things you can do.

3 ~ Remember Your Successes

Remind yourself of past circumstances where you’ve been resilient. Show yourself that you can do it by revisiting these experiences in your mind.

4 ~ Self-Care Counts

Taking our self-care seriously matters a ton. Eating right, getting enough sleep and giving your body some exercise are important, but self-care goes beyond that. Especially when we are talking resilience. Being kind to ourselves when we are facing adversity is critical. We may have a tendency to beat ourselves up when we’ve been kicked down. Instead, treat yourself  with the kindness and patience you would a child or good friend. Listen to the advice you would give to them and apply it to yourself. Be gentle.

5 ~ Don’t Get Off On The Drama

“What? Me?”, you might be saying. Yep you. We all have a need for some drama in our lives. It’s what keeps it interesting. But make sure that drama isn’t a habit or pattern for you when it comes to managing difficulty.  If you find yourself getting charged up, talking about the situation over and over again or maybe even wanting a little (or a lot) of revenge, then there is likely an element of drama attached. It’s okay to experience and acknowledge these emotions, but if you’ve got a death grip on them, it’s time to disconnect from your drama.

6 ~ Still Your Mind

The runaway brain is nearly always the culprit when we are in distress. It can take us on an emotional roller coaster in a matter of seconds or even the opposite, cause us to shut down completely. Neither option is good.  Simply taking a few deep breaths with the clear intention of grounding and centering yourself can do the trick. And the more frequently you do it, the more clear and adaptive you will become. Here’s an easy process to get you started.

7 ~ Beyond Positive Thinking

Using affirmations to help yourself through a difficult experience is both easy and effective. Bringing yourself out of the these feelings can be as simple as creating statements that reaffirm your state of well-being and resiliency. By repeating these regularly and using them when your thoughts start to go south, it will rewire your brain into a better state. For more info on affirmations check out Mindfulness Monday #7 and Quick Hit #12.

8 ~ Honor Your Feelings

With adversity comes negative feelings. They just go hand in hand. Many times we push our negative feelings to the side when we are much better off to feel them, recognize them, honor them and then let them go. This process for day to day disappointments can happen pretty quickly. For more intense or serious adversity, it may be more challenging. And back to the kindness and patience…be sure to give yourself the time and space you need to heal. But overall, the practice of this process daily helps create a healthy and invaluable habit that will build your resilience. For some good tips on dealing with negative emotions check out this article  “Overwhelmed By Negative Emotions – Here’s What To Do”.

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