Have you ever noticed how much time you spend looking down? In today’s world of smartphones, concern about where we need to be next and general rushing around, it seems we’ve lost the art of listening with our eyes. The art of listening with our eyes…what the heck does that mean?

Photo courtesy of Dave Meier

Well read on. I’ll share with you not only what it is, but why you should be doing it more.

A recent hot topic with my business coaching clients has been listening. And it’s not just the general skill of listening. It’s been the skill of listening with your eyes.

What’s Listening With Your Eyes?

I’ve spent a fair amount of time during my career helping others become better listeners. So the concept isn’t new to me. However, the idea of listening with your eyes…now that is a little bit different. Let’s take a look (no pun intended) at what this means.

“…if we aren’t looking at them with our eyes,

we probably aren’t really listening with our ears either.”

How often do you find yourself in a conversation where you aren’t actually looking at the person talking? Think about it. Probably more than you’d like to admit. Both in business and personal. So many distractions…our phones, activities going on around us or even the thoughts racing through our heads. All of these things and so many others, can keep us from looking directly at the person that we’re supposedly interested in. And I’ve found, that if we aren’t looking at them with our eyes, we probably aren’t really listening with our ears either.

When questioning someone about not listening with their eyes, the claim I generally get is that they don’t feel that it’s necessary to look at the person in order to listen effectively. And while I’m not in total disagreement technically, I am for the most part.

If distractions have you looking at something other than the person, meaning that your mind is processing “something other than the person’s words”, then you aren’t really listening. Not with your ears, eyes or brain. You’re distracted.

“No, no I’m a great multitasker” you might be proclaiming. I hear ya, and I’m not going for it. There’s mounting scientific evidence out there that says the brain can’t actually multitask. Instead, it’s just your brain quickly switching between tasks. Which actually results in inefficiency. Sorry.

Why You Should Listen With Your Eyes More

Okay, so now you get what I’m talking about, but why should you make a bigger effort to look at people when they’re talking?

• It makes you more trustworthy.
• You’re more believable.
• The quality of your relationship improves. Both short and long-term.
• Your ability to influence effectively will increase. (a.k.a you get what you want)
• It feels good for both of you.
• Multitasking is a fallacy. Don’t believe it.
• It gives you the opportunity to read the non-verbal cues.
• It’s polite and nice. (not an outdated concept by the way)
• You both feel more connected to each other and to the conversation.
• You’ll remember more of the discussion details later.

Test It Out For Yourself

Ultimately it’s up to you on whether or not listening with your eyes creates value. Consider experimenting a little with the concept and see what happens. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain based on the list above.

Let me know how it goes. I would love to hear what works and what doesn’t. Happy listening!

Please bring mindfulness to others and share my message by clicking below on Facebook and LinkedIn.

I would love to see you more often. To have my blog instantly delivered to your email box sign up below. It’s just that easy!