I was having a sad day. It was actually carry over from the evening before. Not a pity party. Just genuine sadness based on some uncontrollable circumstances in my life, with some very deep roots.

My hope was that after a sound sleep, the emotions would lift and I could wake to a day of enthusiasm and productivity. But even after shedding some tears the evening prior, I still had the heaviness in my chest the next morning and throughout the day. As a teacher of positivity, connection to your spirit and creating your own reality, I dread days like this. I mean isn’t this type of situation in direct conflict with what I coach others on?

You Know What I’m Talking About

I’m guessing that you’ve personally had days like this. Sometimes the sadness feels small – like a little pinch in your heart, and other times it’s grief that takes you to your knees. Maybe you’re like me in that you prefer NOT to feel sadness at all if you can avoid it. But the truth of the matter is that the more that we ignore the sadness the bigger it becomes.

Forget The Fake It Till You Make It

Have you ever noticed that when you compartmentalize or push aside a negative emotion that it returns over and over again until you acknowledge it? It’s as if the emotion itself needs some sort of validation. And I love how creatively it shows up with different masks, in unrelated situations, and in places where it doesn’t belong, just trying to trick you into acting on it. Saying “I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere.” , in case you were wondering. At a minimum you’ve got to give it credit for the persistence because wow, do negative emotions have persistence!

So what does this all mean? That perhaps feeling sad, mad, overwhelmed, fearful, frustrated or grumpy, is exactly what you should be doing. Right now you might be saying “Are you kidding? What about fake it till you make it, turn that frown upside-down and how does that attitude make my dreams come true?”.

Mind Your Marbles

It may seem counterintuitive, but recognizing and feeling our emotions is exactly what we should be doing. Imagine a jar of marbles. Each time you have an emotion, a marble goes into the jar. And every time you express an emotion, a marble comes out of the jar. Common sense tells you that a jar filled to the brim has no choice but to overflow with marbles rolling every which way. And we’ve all seen in the movies what happens to people trying to walk on marbles…sometimes funny, but most times unpredictably treacherous.

If you were given the choice wouldn’t you rather steer clear of scattered marbles? They are definitely small, but it only takes one to knock you right to the ground. So from my perspective, I believe that stepping into my feelings, acknowledging them and then productively allowing them to pass through me seems like the best answer.

Does this mean that you aren’t being positive? Yes. Does this mean that it will probably feel BAD? Yes. And that is exactly what you want.

Let Them Flow, Let Them Flow, Let Them Flow

Negative emotions become a problem when we hold onto them and make them a part of us. We confuse our identity with the identity of the emotion. By allowing the emotions to flow through us instead, we are able to make acknowledgement, while recognizing that we are NOT the emotion that we are feeling.

I understand that this may sound easier than it really is, especially with emotions that are more intense. But I encourage you to play with the concept and process. Children are a wonderful example of how to let emotions flow through us. Have you ever noticed how easily a toddler steps into a negative emotion, but then just as easily moves past it. The emotion isn’t stuck within them. Instead, they have acknowledged it, experienced the feeling and then let go moving on to the next moment. Brilliant!

Of course we don’t have the luxury of having a temper tantrum in the middle of Target [even though some days we would all like to], but we do have the advantage of a more developed brain to guide us through this process. So on the days when your ice cream cone falls to the ground with a big plop or you didn’t get that anticipated promotion at work , you are able to consciously, albeit sometimes clumsily, step into those negative emotions. With a little practice you will find that the process becomes a bit more graceful. You will also notice a wonderful lightness and ease without those negative emotions weighing you down.

Try These Steps For Processing Negative Emotions

If you are ready to give it a go, try this simple Inhale/Exhale exercise.

1. Become mindful of what you are feeling by checking in with yourself.
2. Name the emotion – sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety, etc.
3. Be willing to experience that emotion. [In my case it was sadness that I needed to access.]
4.  Now complete a series of 3 deep breaths. Breathing in the emotion as you inhale and gently releasing the emotion as you exhale.
5. It can be helpful to visualize the emotion leaving your body on the exhale.
6. Repeat this process as many times as necessary.
7. You may need to do it several times per day or even over multiple days if the emotion is reoccurring. The key is to allow the emotion to flow through you.

Note: If you are working through more intensive emotions, consider setting aside time specifically for this exercise so that you are in a safe and peaceful environment that supports more of a cleansing. Being able to cry or pound your fists on the table can actually be quite helpful. Using the time to journal, meditate or just silently reflect will also assist in the flow. Some additional methods for working through negative emotions can be found in this article by Carl Massey.

Do you have a practice for processing your negative emotions that might help others? If you do, please post it in the comments section below. We would all welcome your sharing.

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