How does negativity affect you? We all have an internal reaction when we hear someone complaining, gossiping or talking badly about someone else. It’s near impossible to change the behavior of others. But we do have the ability to control our own, and more importantly, what is going on in our mind.

Photo courtesy of Torsten Detlaff

Having moments of negativity is normal, natural and expected. So don’t be too hard on your self there. But what can you do to minimize the negativity coming from your environment and from within yourself? The simplest way…give your brain a different focus.

There are lots of resources out there on mindfulness, well-being, happiness, etc.. But one of my current favorites is  The Center For Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin Madison. Their work is wonderful and the founder, Dr. Richard Davison, is amazing. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I recommend that you do. Great toolkits and videos. In the meantime, let me give you a couple of quick practices taken from their work that can help curb that negativity in the moment.

You Want It, You Need It – A Positive Outlook

If the opposite of negative is positive, then having a positive outlook seems like the first step in combating negativity. I’m guessing that you won’t argue the logic on having a positive outlook based on this video and research from The Center For Healthy Minds. They tell us that having a positive outlook in general, is essential in creating well-being for both yourself and others. The simple practices below are a great way to tap into that positive outlook, and maybe even develop some new habits that support it.

Practice #1 ~ Notice The Good

People + Relationships = Complexity and Challenge

No surprise there right? What to do? Make it a habit to notice the good. At first, try it along with the bad. It’s not about ignoring those negative feelings or the situation. Acknowledge those, but notice the good as well. Start simple. With a little practice you might find yourself naturally going to the good.

Use the questions and tips below to prompt “Noticing The Good”.

• What is one positive trait about the person(s) involved?
• How can this trait impact the situation in a good way?
• Do this practice whenever you predict negativity coming your way in interactions or relationships.
• The more you do this mentally or on paper, the more natural it will become.

Practice #2 ~ Compliment Others

Right now you might be asking, “what’s the difference between complimenting others and noticing the good?”. Complimenting engages the other person and is interactive versus just noticing the good, which is an exercise that happens internally on your behalf.

Complimenting a complainer is a great way to stop them right in their tracks, and it gives you an opportunity to redirect the conversation.

Stop Them In Their Tracks

So imagine that you are listening to someone complaining about the day that they’ve had. They’ve been yapping for about 5 minutes now and you have definitley gotten the gist, but just can’t take it anymore. What if you were to give the person a sincere and appropriate compliment? How might that change the tone of the conversation? If done well, it could even completely redirect it. Now obviously timing matters here. You don’t want to be too abrupt or off topic. But helping the person see the positive in themselves, encouraging them to feel good, it’s a great way to shift the conversation.

I’m sure that you know how to give a compliment, but here are some things to consider when making it a habit.

• Compliment on something that is authentic and truthful. People will know if you’re insincere. It can be as simple as “that color looks great on you”, “awesome job on that project”, “cool watch” or “I love what you’ve done with your yard this summer”. Being genuine is key, so pick something that you actually believe.
• Look directly into the eyes of the person your are complimenting. You might find this challenging at first, but it is so much more rewarding for both you, and the other person. Trust me. Try it.
• Make it a goal to compliment others at least 2 times per day where you wouldn’t normally. This creates positivity in places where you might not expect it, and counteracts negativity before it even starts.

The more you practice positivity, the more natural it will become.

Both of these exercises help you to train your brain differently and step out of the bad habit of negativity. The more you practice positivity, the more natural it will become. And the best part…not only will you attract more positivity into your environment, you’ll also be happier!

Please bring mindfulness to others and share my message by clicking below on Facebook and LinkedIn.

I would love to see you more often. To have my blog instantly delivered to your email box sign up below. It’s just that easy!