The antagonists of our life come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they’re nothing more than a mild annoyance. But there are other times when we feel as if they have single-handedly ruined our entire existence. The good news however, is that they have an incredibly important purpose. They force us to grow.

Photo courtesy of Ryan McGuire

I can hear the groans already…but you know it’s true. If we stick with the idea that this is in fact truth, then how can we make it worth our effort? Read on for some insights that will help ease you suffering.

What’s An Antagonist?

An antagonist is someone who actively opposes you. Pushes your buttons per se. This might be some of the time or constantly. The frequency, intensity and topics of opposition will probably influence your level of emotional response to the antagonist. And your responses might vary depending on the environment (work, home, etc.). For example I’m guessing that there are things that you might say to your significant other, that you wouldn’t say to a co-worker.

How Do They Show Up In Your Life?

Antagonists can show up anywhere in your life. But the most intimate relationships of spouse, family, boss, neighbor or co-worker seem to be the most challenging. These are the daily interactions that you normally can’t avoid, making them a perfect opportunity for personal growth. And we both know that you’ve had at least 2 come to mind as you read this paragraph. Consider those personalities as you read on.

Why You Should Appreciate Them?

1.  Finding your true authentic self only happens when you are forced to dig deeply.

Getting in touch with who you are at your absolute core is a messy process. It can be challenging and painful, but so worth it. By digging more deeply into ourselves we create a stronger sense of self, of our values and purpose in life. We become more self-aware, more honest and probably more humble. Without a catalyst for this process we may never undertake it.

2. You become stronger and build more self-confidence.

On the front side of dealing with an antagonist you might initially loose a little of your self-confidence. Bumps and bruises are generally just part of the process. But remember, that it’s in fact these times when we prove to ourselves that we are the most capable. And here, is where our self-esteem rises. We find that we are stronger than we thought, and this strength doesn’t disappear with a change in the situation. Instead, it acts as a building block for our foundation. Something that we will come back to when we need to draw on that strength as future challenges arise.

3. It keeps you from becoming the antagonist.

Because tough situations cause us to reflect in a more wholistic way, we see the scenario from multiple perspectives. When you are the victim, it provides clarity around behaviors that you don’t want to engage in when the tables are turned. All of us fall on both sides of this equation at some point in time. Knowing what you don’t  want to do gives you opportunity to recognize when a scenario might be ripe for antagonistic behaviors on your part. And this, ensures that you don’t become exactly what you’ve been loathing.

4. You are sparked into action where you otherwise may not have been.

Anger has value in that it’s an emotion that moves us to action. Action is good. And it’s possible that without your antagonist pushing you, you may not be willing to step outside of your comfort zone, make a firm decision or change a habitual behavior. It may be standing up for yourself in a productive way or leaving the job you’ve always hated. Regardless of the situation, you know that without the discomfort you wouldn’t have taken a stand.

The Gift Of Our Antagonists

I bet that if you took a moment to reflect on your own personal antagonists, that you would find more gifts than you initially thought. It’s a worthwhile exercise that puts you in a healthier state of mind and helps provide some strength and grounding for the tough times. We all know that a shift in our perspective has the ability to change the situation all together. As Wayne Dyer says “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

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