No doubt about it, family get-togethers can be stressful. In fact, you’re probably getting a little worked up right now just thinking about it – rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, stomach in knots. Not to worry. I’ve got some solid tips for helping you not only get through the holidays, but actually ENJOY them.

Everyone has heard the saying that “we make our own reality”. If that’s true, how can we change a situation for the better? The short and simple answer…setting clear intentions and living in the moment.

The Anticipation Is A Killer

For me personally, the anticipation of anxiety, discomfort and the unknown is generally the enemy. It goes something like this…I’m concerned about an event for days, maybe even weeks prior. I tend to focus on what may go wrong and how uncomfortable I will be feeling. So effectively putting myself on the hamster wheel of worry and despair. Yikes! What a huge waste of time and emotion.

Doing It Differently – Not So Hard

How can you do it differently? By being clear about your intentions and then taking action with yourself. Your personal intentions are the key to this solution. Let’s explore that a bit more.

It’s absolutely true that what you put out there comes back to you. So the question is “what are you putting out there?”. Most of us have a tendency to focus outside of ourselves or on others when we are anxious or fearful. We conjure up all kinds of stories in our minds filled with exactly what we don’t want to have happen. And then guess what? Yep, we leave the party feeling the way we didn’t want to, but in exactly the way that we focused our attention over the last week.

So back to the question “what are you putting out there?”. This is the where you bring your attention back inside in order to create clear intentions. Focusing on the positive emotions is where you want to be. Each time you think about the event, place your attention on the positive outcomes you want, instead of the negative that you don’t want. Be consistent. Practice continually coming back to the those positive feelings over and over.

Okay I’m At The Party – Now What?

You made it to the event. Congratulations on the courage. But now what? Here’s where you really want to practice mindfulness and being present. The challenge will be (1) to stay focused on the feelings of positive outcomes and emotions and (2) experiencing the moment. Don’t allow those nasty anxieties to creep up again once you get there. Instead, stay committed to the positive feelings and seek to find those in whatever situation you encounter. Our runaway brain is usually the culprit when we move into fear and negativity, so keeping it focused moment by moment is incredibly helpful. And because you’ve committed to staying in a such a joyful space, it makes it hard for others not to follow along. In fact, you’ll probably find that they either join you in the joy or slowly migrate to another part of the room. Either way you win!

The Quick & Clean Recap

1. Get clear about your intentions and what outcomes you are looking for specifically. Focus on the positive feelings associated with these outcomes.
2. Take ownership for your feelings. When you start to slip into a negative space come back to the positive outcomes.
3. See a positive outcome for everyone involved not just yourself.
4. Both before and during the event stay focused on the positive feelings.
5. Be grateful even if it’s for small things moment by moment. This is the best way to keep yourself in a positive place.
6. Be present and experience the moments as they happen versus skipping ahead to the future or stepping back into the past.

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