Being a perfectionist isn’t easy. In fact sometimes it’s sort of a miserable way to live. Sure, you may have a long list of accomplishments in life, a successful career, ridiculously organized home or car that’s cleaner than when you bought it brand new. But the real question is does it make you happy?

Image courtesy of Marcin Czaja

Being a perfectionist makes you happy for short moments in time. That single second where everything is just right on something you’ve completed. Yep there it is…and there it goes. Oh no. There it goes!

The Perils of Perfectionism

Oh the hours, days and years that I’ve spent in the loop of perfectionism. Wanting that second of success so badly I can taste it before it’s even there. Only to realize that it is only a second before I’m right back into the  deadly loop of perfectionism. The loop may be something new or maybe it’s tied to the win I just had a moment ago. But it just keeps going.

Reasons Why You Don’t Want Perfectionism to Run Your Life

This list won’t exactly be mind-blowing. But be honest with yourself. Do any of these hold true for you at least part of the time?

1. It makes you seem “scared” when you really aren’t. In fact you are probably a bigger risk-taker than most.
2. It holds up your progress in life. Plain and simple it keeps you from moving forward.
3. You’re unable to live in the moment. Instead you are always looking to the past or future.
4. It makes you less fun, more serious. Face it, the life of the party is generally not the perfectionist.
5. You get down on yourself, which keeps you from loving others fully. This is unfortunate for so many reasons.
6. You project your need for perfectionism onto others. Probably not building a fan club here.
7. Anger and sadness are your friends way too often. Joy and happiness are really where it’s at and you know it.

What To Do When The Perfectionist Kicks In

1. Recognize her.
2. Acknowledge her in a kind and loving way.
3. Love her and let her know that it’s okay to feel this way.
4. Remind her of a time when something wasn’t perfect and how everything was still okay. Point out how she is okay now.
5. Step away from the focus of perfection. Give her a change of scenery and focus. Go for a walk, listen to some music, play with the dog, make a cup of tea or get physical and do some household chores.
6. Help her become present and mindful in these moments so that the anxious feelings of perfectionism can melt away.

For The Guys

For the guys reading this blog –  the approach above may seem a little too soft for your style. Try adapting some of the language a bit. Even you know that being hard on yourself or others isn’t helpful. Maybe stepping into a more sensitive internal dialogue is just what you need right now. At least consider it.

For more on perfectionism you might want to check out this article from Huff Post Healthy Living.

Do you have any tips or tricks you use to manage your perfectionist? Please share if you do. I would love to hear from you.

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