Two years ago this month I left my corporate job to go solo. And while there are certainly aspects of the job, the people and the environment that I miss, there is one big thing that I don’t – THE DRAMA.

Don’t get me wrong, I recognize that corporate America isn’t the only breeding ground for ugly comments, self-absorbed complaining and harsh scrutinizing of others. We are all more than capable of committing these crimes in any situation including conversations with friends, family and neighbors. Sometimes even innocently. But for me personally it was one of the most likely places of occurrence.

How Does it Feel?

And guess what? I didn’t like it. It made me feel guilty, shameful and hypocritical – but it was hard to stop the behavior. In part because it was the general culture, and in part because I didn’t really know how to stop it. Drama is particularly adept at feeding itself – you don’t even have to try very hard. Think about it. When was your last episode of drama? For most of us it’s probably pretty recent. And maybe we didn’t act on it exactly, but it was there in our head just ready to go.

Drama – It’s Personal

It’s up to you to decide what qualifies as “drama” in your life. But generally speaking recurring relationship issues, gossip and being caught up in constant negative circumstances that have no resolution are a few good examples. Sometimes drama becomes such a habit that you may not even recognize it’s happening. But if you are reading this article, you probably have awareness and an interest in managing it more effectively.

How To Disconnect From Your Drama

1. Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a perfect place to start. Becoming present to ourselves, our behavior and circumstances holds the key to success here. Simply put, this means coming into your body and noticing your thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. This allows you to become present in the moment and mindful to what is happening both around you and inside of you. Stopping what you are doing, closing your eyes and taking a deep cleansing breath is the easiest way to do this.

2. Become Aware of Your Patterns

Becoming present allows us to observe. Observe what is happening around us and inside of us. It also brings to light our patterns of behavior. This is essential in identifying how, when and why drama is occurring. It’s not always necessary to understand all of the ins and outs of the drama, but more important to recognize that it’s happening. And with some practice, you will soon be able to see it coming and prevent it altogether.

3. Make a Choice to Change Your Behavior

For most of us, drama will continue to be lurking just around the corner. So making a firm commitment on changing your behavior is essential. Once you’ve identified your patterns, you’ll be able to make the choice to engage or disengage with the drama. If you’re desire is to disengage or avoid it all together then take the necessary steps to stick to your choice. Create a new pattern of behavior for yourself.

For example, if someone begins to gossip you could (1) remain silent and listen instead of actively responding, (2) redirect the conversation to something positive once the individual has finished their thought or (3) if appropriate, remove yourself from the conversation temporarily. The easiest fix here is to avoid the situation all together but many times this is not possible, so having some strategies in your back pocket is helpful.

4. Redirect Yourself with Compassion Not Criticism

Disconnecting from your drama and changing behavior isn’t easy. Patterns run deep. So be patient. Behavior change takes practice and being critical of yourself isn’t helpful. Having compassion will take you farther faster for sure. If you slip up, note the situation and circumstances. This means that you’ve gained more awareness, which is great. Now you can use this awareness for the next time.

5. Problem-Solve If You Must

You might now be asking “What about conversations that are unavoidable and qualify as drama?”. Here are a couple rules of thumb (1) make it a problem-solving discussion, (2) set a time limit on how long you will be talking about it, (3) be matter-of-fact and do your best to leave emotions at the door, and (4) once you have a plan stay the course – don’t rehash.

We make our own circumstances and relationships – so beginning with ourselves is really the only way. Establishing new habits takes time, but disconnecting from drama will fill you with new energy and a vitality that makes it well worth the effort.

Please bring mindfulness to others and share my message by clicking below on Facebook and LinkedIn.

I would love to see you more often. To have my blog instantly delivered to your email box sign up below. It’s just that easy!